Q: Do you have any tips to help with contentment during the whole three-months-no-shopping thing?
A: Definitely. The first time I ever tried to do this, I was astonished at how quickly the shine wore off and I was desperate to go shopping. Like, it was the next day. But why? With shopping out of the picture–and with a little digging–I eventually found my answer…and contentment. Here’s how:
GET INTROSPECTIVE
Sometimes I would use shopping as a way to jolt myself out of a meh mood with a little instant gratification. Not the worst thing in the world, right? Well…no…but it hit me pretty hard when I realized I wasn’t shopping for clothes–I was shopping for happiness.
No wonder my closet didn’t make any sense.
It messed with my mind when I realized that, you know? I really don’t want to be a person who finds her happiness in stuff. So I got introspective and asked myself, “Where do I want to find my happiness?” And the answer sure wasn’t a pair of jeans.
PLAY WITH YOUR HAIR & MAKEUP INSTEAD
Other times, I’d want to go shopping to feel prettier. So instead of shopping, I’d try to teach myself a new hairstyle or a new makeup trick instead. It was a skill I’d been wanting to work on anyway. I mean, it’s kind of in the same vein as clothes–wanting to look good and express yourself and all that. It was free, fun, and I learned how to do a Pinterest-worthy messy braid.
Side note: You could swap out hair & makeup for a billion other much cooler skills. Developing a skill takes work, time, and perseverance. It’s not easy. But. It pays off.
I think shopping is so tempting because you just swipe a card and gain something. It’s relatively easy. But when you learn a skill, you’re gaining something that can’t be bought. You can’t just swipe a card and suddenly have a skill. That’s cool.
HIT UNSUBSCRIBE
Marketers are smart cookies. Brilliant cookies, actually. I can’t tell you how many times an email would convince me that I needed to go hit up that sale rightnow. So I decided if this was going to work, I was going to have to unsubscribe from all the clothing email lists I was on.
Yes, I missed news about fun sales. But I stopped caring. Contentment just felt better.
PAY ATTENTION TO HOW MUCH YOU’RE SAVING
When I wanted to go shopping, it was usually because I wanted a specific item, like a new drapey top, or another pair of jeans or a different jacket. I know about how much those things cost, so I started paying attention to how much I was saving.
…Wow.
Saying no to one shopping trip saved me pocketfuls of cash. Multiply that times the number of times I wanted to go shopping (multiple times a week). You do the math. I know.
I started getting so proud of the money I wasn’t spending, you know? I started wondering what good things–helpful things, generous things, random-act-of-kindness things–I could do with that money instead. For our family. For my husband. For friends. For complete strangers. It got inspiring real fast and encouraged me to keep not spending money on clothes.
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, READ THE INSTRUCTIONS
So, back in the day when I struggled with anxiety, one of the things I’d do to help combat it was write out some instructions for myself when I felt an anxiety attack coming on. Because if you’ve struggled with anxiety, you know that once an attack comes on, you aren’t thinking clearly.
So this list (housed on my phone, so it was always available) was an external voice, giving me step by step instructions to stop the downward spiral. It had simple things on it, like: Stop what you’re doing right now, step outside, and take 10 deep breaths. Or: Text two friends and tell them a specific thing you appreciate about them.
I used this approach to help calm shopping urges too. My list included productive, fun alternatives to shopping like: Surprise a friend with some coffee and flowers. Or: Try to make 3 new outfits from items you already own. Or: Go make out with your husband. ;)
NOW IT’S YOUR TURN
Those are my 5 main strategies to cultivate contentment + deal with the three-months-no-shopping part of this challenge. Want to add to this list? Comment below–I’m sure we’d all love to hear more ideas!
Unsubscribing from those sales ads was huge for me, too! After doing the contentment challenge last fall, I have found that “things” aka my habits don’t fill my brain space as much anymore. It’s such an interesting change in perspective!
I also love your list of things to do when feeling anxious!
Beautiful thoughts and encouragement Caroline.
I agree with the “I wasn’t shopping for clothes – I was shopping for happiness” mindset. So often we want something “new” in life, and material goods seem to fit that bill (emphasis on “seem”). As I’ve become more in tune with what suits me, what clothing will make me look and therefore feel good, I find it easier to turn my back on fashion items that are not the right fit. There’s no emotional attachment to these wrong (for me) items. More objective shopping helps to loosen that materialistic pull.
And yes, advertisers are sneaky! I recently watched a tv program on advertising and a quote was, “good advertising is designed to manipulate”. Scary the power they can have.
Hi Annie! I’m glad I’m not the only one. It took me a few days to fully accept it and move on from there. So crazy, but I’m glad I learned the truth about my shopping habits. xoxo Caroline
I know this post is older, but it brought me to tears. I see so much of myself in this, and it’s very encouraging to see someone else overcome this. I’ve been going through a very, very dark time and what have I been doing? Shopping. You’re absolutely right- it doesn’t make you any happier, and seeing how much you’ve spent is just, well, adding insult to injury. Thank you for being such an inspiration, in so many ways.
thank you!!!
What a great reminder to find joy in moments rather than stuff. I am struggling with this, not through clothes shopping, but decorating our new house. It is so easy to run to Target and buy way too many decorations, because I “need” them to enjoy my home. But the truth is, things don’t make a home. It is home, because I enjoy it with my husband and our puppy and we are making memories daily without the most perfect curtains. I love that you are finding simplicity in your home and your closet. After purging just a few rooms, I always feel more satisfied and clear. Thanks for the great perspective!
Just found out today that I’m pregnant with #3! I need someone to do a capsule maternity wardrobe! Ha. Contentment is a hard thing in the later stages of pregnancy. Maybe I’ll still try this as best I can! Look forward to reading a new entry every morning!!
Hi Caroline!
Your blog is SO helpful and inspiring! Thank you thank you thank you!
I have a couple of questions.
1. How much do you and your husband agree to spend on clothes (not an amount, a percentage)? Currently, my husband and I don’t really have an “allowance” just for clothes or anything, but I feel like we need to figure something out (because we are totally different people when it comes to spending money).
2. And I think these questions sort of go hand-in-hand, do you tend to buy just a few pricier items that are made better and last longer (for example, J.Crew, Loft, etc…), rather than more items from cheaper places (Target, Forever 21, etc…)? What are your favorite stores?
Thanks! -Kayla
Love this! I was wondering if you could possibly share your list to prevent anxiety as well as shopping urges? Both would be helpful for me ;)
Hey! I just found your blog and I am a fan. I am interested in learning more about your go-to anxiety list. My husband suffers from it badly and, like you said, when he gets an attack his brain doesn’t operate. I wondered what worked to get you out of the tough time? Thanks!!
Hi Cindi!
My list included simple things that would help me get out of my own brain — either by doing little tasks I could “win” at or by doing something nice for someone. Here’s my list:
Get up and walk
Step outside
Breathe deep and raise your arms
Hug your husband + do him a small favor
Take coffee to a friend
Play with your dog
Smile at 3 people around you + say a prayer for them
Turn on a happy song
Make a happy playlist
Read a Psalm or read a chapter of Love Does on your phone
Clean out your car
Text or email a friend something kind
Do the dishes
Play guitar
xo Caroline
Wow this post spoke to me on so many levels. I think I’m going to have to try this— I’m thinking it will be a good New Year’s Resolution sort of thing. I’m right in the middle of losing some weight, so I have been holding off buying a lot of clothes until I’ve met my goal. I know I will need a good bit of stuff but this will give me a good focus of what to get and then really help me cut back on my shopping. I definitely do like you mentioned and shop for that “happy” boost.
Hi, Can you tell me where you purchased the black/white stripe long sleeve blouse, with 2 large front pockets on the blog dated April 30, 2014? Thanks.
Hi Carmen! Forever 21. :) xo Caroline
Caroline,
I recently found you and Unfancy and it has been inspirational and very motivating to me, so much so, that I have cleared out my wardrobe and tried to create a capsule wardrobe! I have had plenty of compliments on ‘my new style’ from friends & family and generally it is really working for me, so thank you very much!
I do have a couple of questions/problems to solve though:)
1) here in the uk, the weather can change from day to day, at the moment we are having lots of cloud/rain, then suddenly the sun comes out and it gets…. almost hot! How do you/I cover this, when seasons aren’t any one thing?
2) a lot of your adaptations on a look involve the top tucked in look; this works beautifully on your lovely figure but not so well when you’re small and have generous curves! What other suggestions do you have instead of tucking in? Or should I just
go for it? Suggestion: more guest bloggers with different body types to get more ideas?
3) where can I find equally gorgeous bags, shoes and clothes over here in UK? My fave go to brand is Boden but your style is quite diferent, I really like the timelessness of it, whilst still looking current.
I love the fact that I know now what I want to buy for next season to fill gaps and build on my style, rather than just vaguely shopping for ‘more stuff’. I just need to find some new brands and d I love the ethically sourced products you wear.
Once again, loving your blogs. So inspirational!
Caroline
Hi Caroline, thanks for the comment. Let me see if I can help with some of your questions!
As far as the weather goes, I think the main thing to think about while shopping is versatility! If you don’t have set seasons, then shop for what you need. Have a mix of cool weather clothes and warm weather clothes. There’s no “right” way to do it or any “right” amount of clothes to have, it’s just whatever works for you and the climate you’re in. The overall idea is to be content with what you have, so you want to have things you love and will wear.
If you don’t like tucking in, you can also try a belt. Or use the popular front tuck. I think tucking accentuates curves in a good way, so you could also just give it a shot! ;) You can also check out my guest bloggers from last winter, Jacquelyn and Jaana. They had some styles for different body types.
I don’t know a ton of shops in the UK, but I will keep you posted if I learn of any!
Hope that helps! xo, Caroline
I am turning 72 next month and I need help with my clothes. Believe or not, I just wore my first pair of leggings yesterday and they felt wonderful. How do I choose a pattern or style if I am 5′ 2″ ?